Wolves
by Within and Without
Summary: Oneshot. Ciel Phantomhive contemplates life and death, his so-called “relationships” with the people in his life, human nature, his fate and the demon he cannot escape.


SPOILER WARNING for episodes 1-6.

**Summary: **Oneshot. Ciel Phantomhive contemplates life and death, his so-called "relationships" with the people in his life, human nature, his fate and the demon he cannot escape.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Kuroshitsuji_, nor do I own any of the characters. By the way, I apologize for all of the italicized text. Actually, no I don't. That's the way it is, take it or leave it. Italicized text is Ciel's deepest thoughts, while normal text is merely narrative. Hope you like it! Oh, and sorry if I disappoint anyone again, but it's not intended to be Shonen-Ai.

~Wolves~

_Did you know that when a wolf attacks its victim, it goes straight for the throat? The throat is the most vulnerable part of the body; it is practically defenseless. Since these creatures travel in packs, they will all swoop down upon their prey, surrounding it. Then they begin to bite viciously on just about every part of the prey's body that they could get their teeth on. And one will latch onto the throat, teeth puncturing the skin and sinking deeper and deeper into the jugulars, not showing any mercy and not letting go until the prey has weakened and fallen to the ground. That's when the pack begins to devour their freshly killed meal and continue on with their lives. Oh, and if a particular wolf in the pack is weak and threatens to slow everyone else down, the pack turns on him and kills him. That's where the term "thrown to the wolves" is from. _

_It makes me wonder…why are these creatures looked upon so negatively? Usually if a person is committing an act that is considered inhuman, that person is compared to a wolf. I don't see why anyone should defile the majestic creature's name by wasting it as an insult for a human being. They are efficient, and their cold, callous nature is something to be admired. Unlike humans, they feel no sentimental bullshit towards each other just because they are the same. Any sorts of ties within the pack are easily severed if it puts one or the rest of the pack in danger. Wolves do not compromise. But it makes me wonder yet again…do they regret? Perhaps mourning their sins is the act of howling at the moon._

_When I decided to form the contract, I knew that I would have to severe my ties, as well. I knew that I was not going to look at anyone the same again. I knew the consequences of considering everyone I knew or even slightly cherished as a boy dead to me—consequences no different than murdering them all. There's no point in hurting them or myself with the lifestyle that was forced upon me by my heritage. It would end up that I betray them or they betray me, and if that is to be the case one day—which would be most likely—then might as well make it less painful for the both of us. Huh, I guess you could consider me an idealist?_

_Madam Red._

_She nearly killed me that cold, rainy night. But she hesitated, and that cost her life. She wasn't prepared, though she may have thought she was. To her, I was still her beloved nephew—one she counts as close as her own son. I had the feeling that she would attack me, and of course I came armed and ready if necessary. However…I guess I didn't consider it necessary. In that moment when she was standing over me, face nearly distorted with fear, pain and rage I…couldn't move. I guess I was in shock that the moment was really occurring. My heart wrenched, but not from fear. I was shocked that she—my own aunt—really had the intent to kill me. _

_Bizarre, isn't it? If I expected it, why did I still feel hurt and betrayed? Is that why I couldn't reach for my gun and defend myself? Or maybe I'm much weaker than I thought and couldn't bring myself to hurt her. I couldn't even let Sebastian harm her! But I know why that is. I was going to spare her, maybe give her the chance to start her life over if possible. Why? Was it because she was family? Dammit, how could I be so weak?! I thought that I was ready to kill her if need be, but then I end up bringing her a rose-red dress to her funeral and making up excuses to my own butler. _

_Her funeral was very drab and unlike her, at least until Sebastian and I showed up and added a certain flare to it that I'm sure she would've appreciated. I wonder what my funeral will be like? Perish the though, Ciel. I believe I already know that my lifeless body will be in a marvelous casket wearing the finest clothes I own surrounded by people that I hardly know and a priest praying futilely for God to take my soul to heaven. I guess what the real question would be is how would these people remember me? Would anybody actually be sad? Would anyone dare shed a tear for me?_

_Lizzy might. _

_But then again she does cry over the littlest things. I wonder what she would be most sorrowful about: the facts that she will never see me and talk with me again, or that she failed to make me sincerely smile before I died? Regarding the latter, how morbid and cynical to think that of Lizzy. It's not the least bit familiar of something she would regret. She's far too innocent to follow the trend of human nature. Perhaps it is because she is still young, but Lizzy doesn't have that self-serving streak to her yet. _

_All humans have it from birth. No one does anything unless it is in his or her best interest. Even babies will scream and cry till their throats ache for their mothers to hold them. Sebastian once told me that one of the requirements for being able to summon a demon and let alone form a contract with one is the ability to discern right from wrong; good from evil. Ironic that only a person who could tell that what they were doing was wrong is able to contract a demon._

_Needless to say that selfishness isn't a bad thing—it's just human nature. This may be my idealist side speaking, but it is truly an admirable trait that wolves will sacrifice one of their own for the good of the pack. I wish it were something I could do. _

_Returning back to the funeral-related train of thought, you know how eulogies usually always say something along the lines of, "We shall see him again in heaven"? I can't help but laugh bitterly at the idea of that being said at my funeral. I'm certainly not going to heaven. I wish that I could save them the breath wasted on uttering that statement. Wait a minute. Who once told me that they believe in life after death? I can't really remember, but now it's making me wonder something else. My, I'm awfully curious today, but…what will become of my soul once I surrender it to Sebastian?_

_Speak of the devil._

"Young Lord," he says in his patronizing tone as he wheels in the teacart_._ "Pardon if I am interrupting anything, but your afternoon tea is here."

_As if I couldn't tell that on my own. I may be wearing an eye patch, but I'm not blind._

"Thank you, Sebastian." I shift around some papers to make it look like I was actually doing something productive all afternoon and not daydreaming. Sebastian approaches my desk while skillfully pouring the aromatic herbal drink into a delicate teacup. As he gets closer to me, I feel a shiver course through my body.

_I fear him._

_But I wouldn't dare let that show. If I were to show the slightest hint of weakness around him, who knows what he'll do to take advantage of that. Sebastian—this powerful and cunning demon—may deem me unworthy to serve and break the contract. Or worse._

_I fear him. And yet…_

"Hmm?" Sebastian makes an inquisitive sound. I look up from my cup to see why he was pondering this time. He nonchalantly lifts up the encyclopedia that lay open on my desk and examines the page that was revealed. "Young Lord, might I enquire as to why you were researching the Timber Wolf while you should be taking care of important Phantomhive Company paper work?"

_No, you may not._ _It's none of your business._

"Just curious about something," I respond. And he smirks.

_I hate that pompous smirk. It's as if he knows something I don't. And that worries me._

"The Young Lord always had a thing for dogs," he concludes, closing up the encyclopedia and setting it back on the shelf.

_I fear him. And yet…I can't hate him._

"Sebastian," I say, sounding more solemn than I think I would have liked. I rest the teacup in its saucer and look him in the eye. He looks right back, an amused and curious gleam dances in his blood-red eyes.

"Yes? Is there something on your mind? You seem to be so deep in thought today."

I take a deep breath and try to keep up a cold, distant expression, "You will always keep to the contract, correct? That is, if you don't, I won't be able to fulfill my side of the bargain."

His eyes widen slightly with surprise. _I guess he wasn't expecting me to say that. _He soon regains his composure and places his hand over where the human heart would be.

"Yes, My Lord. I will keep to the contract until it is complete. And I will remain by your side until you take your dying breath," he bows slightly, and I can't tell if he was being sincere or mocking me. But I'll refrain from looking a gift horse in the mouth.

"I see."

_Like a wolf latched onto my throat._

~End~

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